Prologue/Chapter 1

PROLOGUE


“Watch where you’re walking, Roberts.”

Jessica glanced up from underneath her hood just in time to see the familiar sneer that usually adorned Vanessa Fordson’s face before watching her fade into the constant wall of snow that continued to cover everything in sight. Jessica let out the breath she didn’t realize she was holding, and quickly issued an unheard apology to the spot in the blizzard that Vanessa had just disappeared through. She sighed and re-adjusted the bag she had slung over her shoulder, turned around and continued to trudge through the seemingly endless blizzard toward the refuge she so desperately sought. Her hood fell back down in her face, and although it provided a bit of shelter from the constant, brutal onslaught of wind she kept finding it partially blocking her line of vision, which would explain why the run-in with Vanessa was not the first mini collision she had experienced today, and she was fairly certain it wouldn’t be the last either.

Y’know, Jessica thought to herself, if it weren’t for this ridiculous wind right now this would be the perfect start to December. Jessica was still fascinated by snow and everything that accompanied what most people usually classified as a “traditional” winter. She had grown up in Los Angeles, and moved to Burlington when she was 16, after her sophomore year of high school. Even after 6 years of living in Vermont she still wasn’t used the snow and cold weather, but it was a welcome change from the heat of southern California. Sure, she missed being able to go for a walk barefoot on the beach in the middle of December, and wasn’t sure she would ever get used to having to dig her car, and sometimes the entire front of the house out of a mountain of snow, but she was still like a little kid on Christmas morning every time the weather even hinted at snow.

Jessica was lost in her own thoughts of California beaches and palm trees decorated with lights that she didn’t notice she was about run down a new victim who, unfortunately, also had his head in the snow-filled clouds.

“Umph. Sorry.” Jessica grunted as she, yet again, collided with because she still couldn’t see where she was going. She let out an exasperated sigh and shoved her hood all the way back off of her head, only to be greeted with a gust of wind providing her with a face full of wet snow. Well, that’s probably an attractive sight, she thought as she reached up to wipe the slightly melted slush mixture off of her face with her hands. She looked up to see who she had nearly knocked over, and got a quick glimpse of dark, shaggy hair and blue eyes before another gust of wind nearly knocked her over. She caught her balance quickly but managed to drop her bag in the process which, as Murphy’s law would have it, resulted in a pile of books, binders and assorted pens on the wet sidewalk instead of being still safely stowed in her bag. Ignoring the slightly bewildered look her second run-in victim of the day was giving her, Jessica huffed out loud and dropped to her knees to quickly shove everything back in her bag before the snow and wind did some serious damage to anything.

“Whoa, sorry! Are you okay?” He asked quickly, kneeling down beside Jessica and picking up the books closest to him.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Jessica said as she hap-hazardly shoved a stack of loose paper into a binder, not bothering to check if it actually belonged there or if it was even in any kind of order at all. At this point she didn’t care much about organization, she just wanted to get away from this awkward and slightly embarrassing situation and hide in her favorite corner chair in the coffee shop around the corner she was heading to. She let out a long breath as she shoved the last few scattered note cards in the bag, and looked up to see who was kneeling by her side. She was startled to see that his eyes were a familiar bright sapphire blue, and seemed to be searching her own eyes for answers she didn’t have just yet. Quickly glancing back down at her bag, she started fumbling with the latch as she stood up and tried to hide the sudden attack of nerves surging through her body.

“Um yeah sorry. I can’t see with this stupid hood up. Sorry,” she muttered mostly in one breath as she pulled her hood back up and pushed past the confused stranger who was still kneeling next to where Jessica had been seconds before.

Crap. Crap! Why right now? Why does something have to remind me of him EVERYWHERE I go? I mean, I know he’s not the only person in the world with eyes that color, but would it be so bad if he was so I didn’t have to deal with that reaction every time it happens? Jessica tried to keep her thoughts straight, but the combination of the memory of today’s date along with the ridiculous chance encounter with a complete stranger that triggered an even stronger memory she had spent the last 6 years hiding in the back of her subconscious so she would forget about it, trying to think straight was like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole: possible with the right tools, but generally not going to happen. I can’t believe TODAY of all days this had to happen. After..... Jessica forced her mind to fade out and not finish that sentence. There was NO WAY she was letting her emotions get the best of her right now, especially not when she was about to sit in the middle of a crowded coffee shop and struggle through two papers and a handful of reviews for her upcoming finals. Hitching her bag back up over her head so the strap nestled into her opposite shoulder, she shoved her gloveless hands into her pockets and continued to trudge through the never ending snow storm in search of a very large mug of hot coffee.



















CHAPTER 1

Pulling open the door of the coffee shop and hearing the familiar tinkle of the sleigh bells Rob, the owner of the shop, had tied to the door in honor of the upcoming holidays should have been a comforting sound, but like everything else today it was a bit un-nerving. Jessica wasn’t sure how much more she could handle today, but had a feeling that as it was only 3 o’clock in the afternoon she wasn’t anywhere near done with the onslaught of emotional turmoil. Even the normal blast of hot air provided by the heater placed right above the door on the inside of the shop seemed foreign as Jessica ducked forward a bit to cover her face before finally removing her hood completely and starting to unzip her jacket.

“Jessica! I was wondering when you’d wander in here,” Rob boomed across the shop from behind the counter. Jessica had been coming to Rob’s place ever since she had moved here, and he had taken over a sort of fatherly role in her mind. Jessica’s real dad still lived in LA with her mom, and since Jessica lived with her widowed aunt she needed some kind of father figure in her life. “I was starting to worry about you, kiddo. Haven’t seen you in a few days, everything okay?” Rob had come around the end of the counter to give Jessica his usual bear hug, which she appreciated today more than she normally did.

“Yeah, sorry. I’ve been pretty busy lately. Finals are coming up, and mom’s been calling me nearly every day because...” She hesitated for a split second before continuing. She was almost caught off guard again, but caught herself before finishing her thought out loud. Nice, Jess. Really smooth. Let’s just spill all of your darkest secrets in the middle of Rob’s place for everyone to hear.

“Because she’s your mother and she’s worried about you?” Rob finished for her, blissfully unaware of the mind trap Jessica had herself caught in right now.

“Yeah. She’s worried,” Jess finished. Rob to the rescue again, and he doesn’t even know it. “My classes are killing me this semester, and since Sarah started volunteering more at the shelter she’s not around as much so I’ve taken to stressing myself out more than normal.”

“Ah Jess. It’ll be okay,” Rob sighed, pulling her into another hug. “I know it sucks. Heck, it must be bad! You’ve missed 4 days of your usual Hazelnut Toffee Mocha! You haven’t missed that for a single day since I came out with that just for you!”

Jessica smiled for the first time today. “You know, you’re right. I could really use one today. Maybe that’s my problem.”

“You got it, kiddo. One very large Hazelnut Toffee Mocha coming right up. It’s on me today, no worries. Go curl up in your chair, I’ll bring it over to you when it’s ready.”

“Thanks. You’re the best, Rob,” Jessica said. Glancing over her shoulder quickly to make sure she didn’t have yet another run in with anyone else, she turned around and headed for her favorite worn-in chair in the corner by the window. Setting her bag down on the ground next to the chair, she tossed her coat on the back of the chair and flopped down onto the faded cushion, letting herself sink down in between the giant arms of the chair. Rob had wanted to get rid of the chair a while ago, but Jessica managed to convince him otherwise. Most of the wear and tear on the chair was from her, as she sat there every time she came in. Today of all days, she was grateful for its comfort and familiarity. She had always wanted a chair like this one back home in LA, but her parents wouldn’t go for it in her already tiny room. Sure, her daybed in her room at her aunt’s house was great to curl up on with a good book or her homework and laptop, but there was something about a good, comfy, well worn-in arm chair that made some things better. Jessica sat there for a few minutes, letting herself melt into the chair. She closed her eyes, and tried to forget about everything today had brought upon her, only to be jolted back to reality by Rob’s booming voice interrupting her thoughts from across the store.

“Jess! You want whipped cream today?”

“Um. Yeah, please. That’d be good,” Jess replied, opening her eyes.

“You got it.”

“Thanks.” She sighed and sat up, and reached down to open her bag so she could start on the mountain of papers and reviews she needed to plow through this weekend. Letting the flap drop down over the back of the bag, she started shuffling through the bag’s contents trying to decide what to start with. She wasn’t feeling particularly creative today and she didn’t want to have the freedom to let her thoughts wander, so she made the choice to start with her Desktop Publishing portfolio. That would be pretty easy, but structured and direction oriented enough that she would have to concentrate and not let her mind wander off to daydream while she worked. She pulled out her laptop and tucked it between her side and the arm of the chair and reached for her work book, only to discover it wasn’t in her bag. No. No no no. It was in here when I left class. It has to be here. Without the book, there was no way to finish her portfolio. Professor Rosen had one copy he kept for himself, but refused to post the instructions on the school’s website along with the rest of the course info. Jessica didn’t really talk to anyone else in her class, so getting the book from anyone else was out of the question too. With panic mode starting to set in, she didn’t even notice the blue-eyed stranger enter the coffee shop and approach the counter.

Maybe I left it in class. Rosen is going to kill me, but maybe I can get it back. Oh crap. This is ridiculous. Jessica shoved everything back in her bag, grabbed that and her coat and bolted up to the counter. “Rob, I’m sorry I have to run back up to school for a bit. I can’t find some of my stuff, I think I left it...” she trailed off when she saw who she had just interrupted talking to Rob.

“Jessica Roberts?” The blue-eyed stranger asked, holding out her missing books.

“Y - yeah. Where did you find those?!” Jessica asked in shock, taking the books from his hands.

“When your bag spilled out on the sidewalk, you dropped them. I picked them up and you took off before I could hand them back to you. Thought you might need them.”

“Oh my gosh yes. Thank you so much!” Jessica’s face broke into a smile and she looked up at him without realizing what making eye contact with him would do to her already whacked out thought process. Her chocolate brown eyes locked with his sapphire blue eyes, and she almost melted into an emotional puddle on the ground. It took more will power than she really had to avert her gaze to the ground, but she made herself to it and she took a step back. “Sorry,” she said, quieter than she meant to. Making her brain calm down, she took a deep breath and looked back up at him, being careful to avoid his gaze. “It’s been a long day and I’m a bit stressed and nervous about a lot of things and I thought I had lost these and without them I can’t finish my portfolio and if I don’t finish my portfolio I’ll fail my class and that really wouldn’t be -”

“Jess. You’re rambling.” Rob interrupted her less than eloquent explanation of today’s events. “Take a breath, you’re probably giving Joseph a headache. I know my head is spinning trying to keep up with your thought process.”

Well, at least his name is nowhere close to - never mind. Not going there. “Sorry,” she said rather sheepishly. Jessica tended to ramble when she got nervous, and the blue-eyed stranger - Joseph, his name was apparently - was not helping her nerves in the slightest.

“You okay, kiddo? You’re really jumpy and on edge today,” Rob said, clearly stating the obvious to anyone with-in a 5 mile radius of Jessica’s current location. “You sure there’s nothing else bothering you?”

“I’m sure. Sorry, I’m just really stressed and was convinced for a minute that I was going to fail because I couldn’t find those books,” she said, doing her best to slow down a bit and speak clearly and calmly. That, and this guy, Joseph, has the EXACT same eyes as Danny and we all know how well THAT ended. Well, okay you don’t. But I do. And it’s not good. On top of that, 6 years ago today I -

“Jess. You’re acting really weird today, calm down,” Rob said rather bluntly, yet again interrupting Jessica’s ongoing mental assault on her emotions. This is why Jessica really loved Rob sometimes. He had no idea what was going on inside her head, which was definitely a good thing, and yet he was always able to give her a serious reality check without knowing what he was doing. He had always been that way; completely oblivious to a lot of things going on around him, but somehow able to tap into the emotional stand point of everyone around him. It had it’s creepy moments, but today Jessica was thankful for Rob’s blissfully oblivious ability to interrupt her thoughts at exactly the right moment.

“Sorry, I just -”

“And stop apologizing, kiddo. Nothing’s been your fault today, it’s okay,” Rob interjected.

“Well, except for the collision on the sidewalk. Although, we could probably both blame each other for that one,” Joseph spoke up, reminding Jessica of the unfortunate chance encounter from earlier.

“Yeah, that one was my fault,” Jessica said. She turned to Joseph before continuing. Looking directly into his eyes, she forced herself to keep her nerves in check. “Sorry about that. It’s been a ridiculous day, and it’s slightly embarrassing and awkward but you’ve probably already...” she stopped herself mid-sentence due to a raised eyebrow from Rob. “And I’m rambling again. Right. Sorry,” she said, and visibly cringed immediately at her own apology. She took a deep breath, and was about to continue when the bells on the door jingled and a group of 6 or 7 rather loud high school kids pushed through the door. Judging by the numbers on the shoulders of the letter jackets they were all wearing, adorned with various multi-colored scarves, hats, and gloves, Jessica came to the conclusion they were Seniors and they were obviously trying way too hard to fit into the early college stereotype of hanging out at the local coffee shop to study or just be generally obnoxious.

“I should probably take care of these hooligans,” Rob chuckled, and ventured back around the counter to man the cash register. “Jess, if you’re done freaking out would you mind helping me?”

“Yeah, no problem,” she said, following him and stowing her bag and jacket under the counter. Remembering Joseph, she turned back to him and said “Look, thanks again. For the books. I really owe you for that. I’m sorry about being so out of it today, I really don’t know what my problem is.”

“It’s okay, no hard feelings. We’ve all been there, finals are killer I know. Especially for Publishing and Graphic Design majors. Yeah, I flipped through your books. Sorry,” he quickly explained to Jessica’s confused expression. “Anyway. Don’t worry about it. It’s not a problem. I was coming here anyway, it’s just coincidence I found you here. I’ll let you get to work. See you around, maybe?”

“Yeah. I guess so. I’m here a lot, so I’m sure I’ll see you eventually. Thanks, again.” Jessica turned her back to Joseph and let out the breath she had been holding before taking up post at the cash register to help Rob wade through the orders being placed by the obnoxious kids.

Jessica didn’t actually work at Rob’s place, but she had offered to help him out a few summers back when he had been really swamped with tourists one day, and it had been sort of an unspoken agreement between the two of them that Jessica would help him out while she was there if he needed it, in exchange for free drinks and keeping the old arm chair in the corner. She had never quite mastered making drinks the way Rob could, he was the expert of the shop. His other employees were top notch it seemed, but no one could make Rob’s signature drinks taste quite the same as he could. Regardless, Jessica usually stuck to the cash register and sometimes ventured to the drink station for some of the simpler drinks that didn’t require much skill, like cups of ice water. She may have been a complete whiz-kid when it came to art and design programs on almost any computer, but the drink machines always managed to completely baffle her.

“Hi. Um, can I get, like, a venti, um, caramel, like, latte?” drawled the bleach blonde valley-girl wannabe who was leaning on her boyfriend.

Jessica hid a disgusted eye-roll and punched the order into the register. “Four dollars and eighty seven cents. Would you like a receipt?” she asked as the boy blondie was leaning on handed her a credit card. A quick glance at the name revealed that either he was handing her blondie’s card, or trying to be the macho boyfriend and pay for everything using mommy’s card. Obviously his name wasn’t ‘Rachel McAdams’ but she wasn’t going to bother with it right now. Rob wasn’t the kind of shop owner that really cared about checking IDs anyway. He figured that if you were dumb enough to let your wallet or credit cards get stolen, then you could deal with someone using it to buy a five dollar cup of coffee.

“Nah, I never bother with ‘em. It’s just a cup of coffee, right?” He looked around at his group of misfit friends and laughed as he said this, obviously in a vain attempt to look the part he was trying to pull off: a high school senior who was just so hip and cool that he uses his no-limits credit card to pay for his carbon-copy girlfriend’s coffee.

Jessica shook her head just slightly in disbelief that people actually acted the way these kids did before informing him that Rob would have his drink ready at the other end of the counter shortly, and asking far too politely if she could help who was next in line. Making her way through the line of kids who all put on the facade that they were the epitome of cool because they used Starbucks drink lingo at the local coffee shop, Jessica handed the change to the last person in line, verbally ushered them down to the end of the counter and went to make her way to grab her bag and dive into the mountain of homework she had.

As Jessica bent down to retrieve her things from under the counter, she heard a familiar voice coming from somewhere over her.

“Got time for one more order before you head out? I promise I’ll use a complete sentence, without a single ‘like’ or ‘um’.”

She looked up to see Joseph standing opposite the counter, watching her and waiting for an answer. A faint smile crossed Jessica’s face. She was glad someone else at least appreciated the ability to speak in a manner that most people could understand. Glancing down toward Rob’s end of the counter, she saw he was still busy handing over drinks to the kids she just rang through.

“Sure,” she said, motioning for him to follow her down to the registers. “What can we get you?”

“Large coffee, black please. None of those weird syrups or anything for me,” he laughed softly.

“Spoken like a true coffee addict. Anything else?”

“More like a true art student with an entire portfolio of original work due tomorrow at 8am. And no, thanks. Coffee is all I need.”

“That’s a familiar feeling. What’s your concentration?” Jessica asked, genuinely curious. She was envious of anyone with actual art talent. She could draw, and she wasn’t too bad at it, but it was nothing spectacular. She worked her real magic on a computer, which she was really good at. She wouldn’t be the first to admit it, but her graphics and designs were incredible.

“Drawing, mainly. Charcoal is my favorite, but I’ve got work in pretty much any medium. I’ve started dabbling with paint recently, but I’m not really a fan,” he said as he handed her a few dollar bills.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s on me, since apparently I’m incapable of walking or communicating in a normal manner,” Jessica said, handing him the cup.

“Well then. Maybe I should literally run into people more often, if it’s going to get me free drinks.” He gave her a genuine smile, and Jessica thought she was going to have a heart attack. He has the same smile! What did I do to deserve this? I mean, come ON. Isn’t the eye thing enough?

“Well, thanks. See you around,” Joseph said, seeming to catch on to Jessica’s mini-freak out. He turned around and went back to his table, which had a rather large black folder next to it, which Jessica assumed was what he kept his work in. She watched as he pulled a smaller sketch book out of his bag, and flipped it open to a blank page before digging for something to draw with. She went to reach for her bag when she heard the bells on the door jingle again, and she looked up to see if she could make an escape from behind the counter, or if she would need to stick it out and keep ringing. She couldn’t quite see who had just walked in, as they had hat on and their hood up over that, which was pretty much protocol for anyone who ventured outside today, but instead of coming up to the counter to order they made their way towards the grouping of tables where Joseph sat. They pushed their hood back off their head, and much to Jessica’s disappointment she realized it was her first run-in victim of the day: Vanessa Fordson.

Okay so obviously I don't use this thing. I'm going to stop lying to myself about it haha. With NaNoWriMo approaching ridiculously quicker than is entirely necessary, I've decided I'm going to use this for my writing instead of an actual blog. I'll post either chapters or excerpts as I write them during November, and we'll see where that gets me. I might (read: probably won't) update with a "normal" blog entry every now and then when I need somewhere to vent, but I've been using Tumblr for that lately instead of my basically unused blog and LJ. We'll just have to see what happens with it.



Books read in 2009: 31 (I don't want to talk about it....I'm getting there)
Days until Wrockstock: 21 (!!!)
Days until Infinitus: 271

So my main reason for not keeping this thing updated is actually a legit excuse for once in my life: I forgot the password to login. And yes, I do know the "forgot password" link exists for a reason, but it's only helpful when 1) it works, and 2) I remember which e-mail address I have this linked too. So there you have it. For the record, this was the ONLY account I have with a different password from the rest of my accounts and that has now been fixed. Problem (hopefully) solved. Now on to more important matters.

OMGLEAKYCON. I can't even begin to explain the epic amount of awesome that weekend consisted of. I can't believe exactly a week ago, we were sitting in 1558 watching the last of the wrock performances for the weekend, and would shortly be heading to bed for the last night in Boston. I kind of want to cry thinking about it. Basically, if you weren't there watch this video  and multiply it by about 4872983742837493279 and that's what the entire weekend was like. Both Saturday and Sunday mornings I woke up with a practically non-existent voice, Sunday being the worse of the two days, but it was most definitely worth it. I have also regained complete use of my legs thankfully, after three 4 hour wrock concerts of near constant jumping around and dancing, and the ball as well. Add in the "adventure" we took Friday afternoon to find lunch, which consisted of walking nearly 2 miles to find Panera and then continuing to wander while Emily and Rosa attempted to find the train to get us back to the hotel, and my feet/lower legs were not exactly happy with me by Sunday morning. The only thing that really was not good from that weekend was the trip home. It was raining most of the way from Boston to NY, and once we got to NY and were about to pass out at Jackie's I got the ridiculous news that my mom wanted me home as early as possible. That meant getting back in the car and driving another 4 hours before getting a hotel for the night, and setting out again the next morning only to be stuck in traffic for 4 hours and having to stay yet another night in a Pennsylvania hotel before finally making it home Tuesday evening. Yikes.

LeakyCon weekend has made me realize how truly lucky I am to be a part of this ridiculously amazing fandom, and I am going to do everything I can to make it to as many events as I can this summer. Counting LeakyCon, I can definitely make it to 7 events this summer. The hopeful schedule is as follows:

5/21-24 LeakyCon @ Boston, MA

6/3 Whompy, JFF, & Moaning Myrtles @ Akron, OH

6/14 TRL & TatA @ Ann Arbor, MI

6/15 TRL, Whompy, JFF, & PC @ Dayton, OH

7/5 PC, Whompy, & TRL @ Chicago, IL

7/18-22 Azkatraz @ San Francisco, CA

8/29 Class of '84 @ Cincinnati, OH

The last thing I'm going to try to make it to is Wrockstock. I had to miss WS'08 because of various reasons, and I am determined to make it to WS'09. It's 11/6-9, and one of the major things driving me is the fact that the Mudbloods will be playing their last show at Wrockstock. That's obviously not the ONLY reason I want to go, but it's a huge deciding factor for me. It's actually extremely easy to work into my budget since it costs less than each of the cons this summer in total, but it's going to be a hard decision to make seeing as money is already insanely tight.

Even with barely having enough money to afford gas and food, I'm still making room for as many CDs as possible. I touched on this briefly in my recent vlog, but EVERY SINGLE wrock CD I've gotten this year has blown me away. I have 2 more coming soon, The Parselmouths and The Remus Lupins, and I cannot wait for them. TRL are always amazing and I've been loving everything new I've heard so far, and The Parselmouths never fail to produce quality music.

I don't want to talk about how much work sucks, since I'm still on an emotional high from LC and just remembering how amazing the whole thing was is putting me in a good mood even though I miss everyone and everything, but it can go without saying that our economy sucks and with my job being a direct reflection on how money makes the world go round, it's quite obvious that a retail job is not a good place to be in. *sigh*

Books read in 2009: 10 (yeah, I know...I'm slacking big time)

Days until Azkatraz: 47

Wrock lyrics of the day: "I'm dipping the quill 'cause it's time to start a fresh new chapter/It's never over just as long as we've got each other." TRL - Graduation Day

Things adding to the world suck levels:

1) I am sick.

2) I have less than $20 in the bank.

3) Got called into work tonight, had to say no because of being sick and having to record HR tonight.

4) Parents are leaving tomorrow to go camping for Mother's Day weekend.

5) The only cold medicine that works well enough for me wasn't in stock at CVS OR Walgreens, so they had to order it and it won't be in until tomorrow after 5pm and I have to work at 5pm.

6) I can't breathe through my nose.

7) I can't get my iPod or my phone replaced until mid-June sometime.

8) There are still 14 days until LeakyCon, and 71 until Azkatraz.

9) I slept for roughly 18 hours last night/today and I'm STILL TIRED.

10) Recording HR later tonight, meaning I won't get to sleep until after midnight.

Things decreasing world suck:

1) There are only 14 days until LeakyCon.

2) Parents are leaving tomorrow to go camping all weekend.

3) I have trail mix.

4) I don't have to work until 5pm tomorrow, and then 6pm on Saturday.

Sorry, I've been slacking a ridiculous amount with this thing. Whine whine whine, complain complain complain. Meh. I feel really crappy from being sick right now, so this is basically all you're getting from me. I promise next post will have some actual content in it, other than a list of me whining about how much my life sucks.

Twitterverse in IRLand?

Yeah I know my title is made of made up words. I'm okay with that =]

It's never really occurred to me that people outside of my online friends have Twitter. Within the last week I've discovered that one of my managers just signed up, someone who was one of my best friends in high school has one, and one of my really good IRL friends added me about 10 minutes ago. This really isn't an issue at all, but now my IRL world and my online world are starting to merge, and it's a weird concept to grasp. The two worlds have been separate for so long that when they start to overlap it catches me off guard and I don't know what to do with myself for a bit.

It's probably a good thing that they are starting to slowly combine. I've lived a "double life", if you want to call it that, for so long with hardly any IRL people knowing about my online life and the fandom and such that it gets hard to keep things straight sometimes. There are SO MANY inside jokes from the fandom that no one IRL understands, and on the frequent occasion that someone at work says something in passing relating to pickles, or goats, or anything really and I start cracking up to myself, it gets a bit awkward when I try to explain things that they just don't understand.

I'm going to completely switch gears here for a minute. I really need a new job. Don't get me wrong, I actually love working at AE even though I complain a ridiculous amount about it, but I've been there for 3 years and nothing has changed except for the people working there. Not only that, but there have been 7 people that have progressed past where I stand in the company, and all of them started there well after I did with the exception of one person, and he really deserves the promotion he got. Now, with the knowledge of that I have been job searching for a while. I have also been into Borders WAY too many times in the last 2 weeks, and there has been a sign in the window every time advertising that they are looking to hire a supervisor. I just finished the online application and I'm kind of nervous about it.

I feel like I'm sort of betraying AE by not telling anyone I've been looking for a new job. I've been there for so long and without sounding really cocky, they tend to rely on me a bit and I feel bad. I know I'm not irreplaceable there and they probably won't have a hard time finding someone to take my spot, but I still feel a little weird. I've known that I wouldn't be with AE forever, and it's something we kind of talk about at work sometimes that when I leave (not if, when) I'll stick around for floorsets and occasional busy weekends/holidays because I still like working there, and the discount is really good no matter what I think of the actual job.

I don't know. I need to start branching out and finding something better to do with my life. Maybe this will be a good start, who knows. We'll see what happens. I hope it turns out okay.

Books read in 2009: 7

Days until LeakyCon: 18

Days until Azkatraz: 76

I've discovered I have an irrational fear of something hiding behind a closed shower curtain. Now this is something I've known for a while, but it's never really taken effect or been presented in a major reality check until about 2 hours ago. I made my way into the bathroom to see that my mom had for some unknown reason closed the shower curtain, which always un-nerves me a bit. It could quite possibly be the fact that I have watched too many horror films, or too much CSI, or whatever you want to blame it on, but every time I see the closed shower curtain I kind of want to cry a bit.

Now, somewhere in my subconscious I KNOW there actually isn't a rapist/murderer hiding behind the curtain with a knife raised to attack me as soon as I push it aside, but I manage to forget that tiny detail most of the time and instead let my brain create all of these "what if" situations and start planning my escape route just on the off chance that someone HAS managed to break into my house, get by my dad AND both dogs (who are all in the living room, less than 10 feet from the bathroom), and is now poised behind the curtain, ready to strike.

Todays incident, however, proved once and for all that in some cases my over-active imagination is actually RIGHT. Thankfully when I flung the curtain back in anticipation of being held at knife-point, there was no one to be found. Instead of a crazy serial killer with a knife, there was however a SPIDER THE SIZE OF A LARGE CAT. I'm not even kidding you. And I hate spiders even more than I hate the constant rain we've been tortured with for the last 4 days. In response to seeing the spider sitting (standing? what do spiders do) there menacingly staring at me, I proceeded to react in the way most normal people would: by screaming and cursing and running out of the bathroom like it was on fire. That's what normal people do, right? Or maybe that's just me.

My dad however, upon hearing/seeing my little escapade, was thoroughly convinced that there was in fact a rapist/murderer hiding in the bath tub and proceeded to jump up and try to save the day. Much to his disappointment though, he found the previously mentioned VERY LARGE spider and promptly disposed of it while laughing at me. (For those of you, like Greyson, that hate it when people squish spiders, let it be known that my dad did not squish it. He "saved" it and took it outside. So it can creep back into the house and scare me again. Thanks dad.)

That has been the extent of my day thus far, with the exception of attempting to (and failing at) studying for my last final exam tonight which is about an hour and a half, in addition to being highly annoyed that it is still raining. Yikes. Today has not been kind to me at all. I hope this isn't foreshadowing for how my exam is going to go tonight.

I'm going to steal....*cough* I mean borrow this idea from Hayley (hayleyghoover) and Kristina (italktosnakes) and leave a few random thoughts/statistics at the end of each blog. I'll try to think of something more creative than countdowns and hopefully have that ready for the next post.

Books read in 2009: 7

Days until LeakyCon: 20

Days until Azkatraz: 78

She stared at the blinking chat screen, dreading the question she saw before her eyes.

"What's wrong? :( "

She slowly typed the 3 words she wanted to say to him more than anything, but quickly backspaced and started typing again.

"Hold on...I've gotta go get something to drink."

God that's so lame! She thought. She sat there in silence for a few minutes, trying to find the courage to tell him what was really wrong. For starters, he lived about 2,300 miles away, and she had never actually met him. Secondly, she was falling in love with him and she wasn't sure if she could, or even wanted to, stop herself.

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On the other side of the country, he sat at his computer desk, staring at the screen and waiting for her relpy. Neither knew it, but they were both thinking the same thing at that moment.

He loved here, of that he was sure. What he was unsure of however was how to tell her. He would be closer to her soon, he was going away to school in the fall about 4 hours away from her. He couldn't wait that long go tell her though. Without thinking about it again, he quickly typed a short message into the IM box and signed off before she could reply. He was almost afraid of her reaction, and he could hardly believe what he had just done.

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Her eyes darted back to the screen when his message popped up. With a shaking hand she clicked on the blinking box. Her breath seemed to catch in her chest as she read what he had written and she began to cry. Tears silently slid down her face as her smile continued to grow, and she was still shaking as she kept re-reading his message.

"Jess I've gotta go for the night, but I want you to know I'm always here for you.

I love you."