Thursday, October 21, 2010

Woah now. Two new entries in less than a week? The world must be ending. Or something. I don't even know haha. I promise this entry will be much more reader-friendly than the last one was. Sometimes I just need to vent and get things out in the open so I don't drive myself more insane than I already am. I have a really, REALLY bad habit of not addressing problems and things that make me mad. I just let things bottle up inside me and then some little, insignificant thing will set me off and it just doesn't end well at all. I think I'm good for a bit now, though.

Good things in life right now:

- All Time Low concert in 3 freaking days. And we have a meet & greet. And the venue holds roughly 225 people. I'M SO FUCKING EXCITED. Except for the part where I have to drive into the depths of Detroit and pray we don't get shot. Did I mention the venue is in some dirty little club on 8 mile? I'm fucking stoked. It's gonna be incredible.

- Wrockstock in 2 weeks. I'd like to say I'll be totally ready to go in exactly 2 weeks, but let's not kid ourselves. I'll probably still be doing laundry until 2am and then frantically packing so I can leave the house by 430am. I feel like a real adult with this trip. My parent are going to be gone so I have to make reservations and get the dogs to the kennel, get myself to the airport on time, and then back home again. Yikes. The only thing really freaking me out is that I'm gonna have to leave one of the cars at the airport while I'm gone. I know I still have 2 weeks left, but I can't find anyone to take me to the airport the morning I have to leave. Plenty of people can pick me up when I get home, but no one can take me there. Meh. I'll figure it out.

- I have an interview tomorrow at Bath & Body Works for a key holder/sales leader position. I hope it goes well because the location is just down the road from the mall I worked at when I was with American Eagle and is a heck of a lot closer than the mall I currently work at. I don't want to jinx anything, and I'm not getting my hopes up just in case. But it would be nice to have a job I actually like working at.

Bad things in life right now:

- I have a killer stomach ache right now. I'm gonna blame the fact that I've been eating WAY too much fast food lately. It's really hard to not eat it all the time when McDonalds is really my best option for food at work, unless I want to spend $8 on a really shitty piece of pizza. No, thanks.

- In less than 4 days, I've been in two "accidents" (if you can even call them that). Friday afternoon on my way home from work, this little old lady backed into the truck in a parking lot. There was no damage at all on my end, but she broke a tail light. Tuesday night I was coming home from meeting my friend Jessica at Starbucks, and while I was at a stoplight another little old lady ran right into the truck. Once again, no damage on my end except for a slightly dented bumper and a few paint scratches from her car. Oh and the fucking giant bruise forming on my shoulder from the seatbelt. Yeah. Neither lady wanted insurance information from me, thankfully. They're both just going to bite the bullet and admit to backing into a lamp post, or a hit-and-run in a parking lot or something. Whatever. It's just one of those things where I have to sit back and shake my head and wonder what I did to piss off whatever higher power is watching over me right now.

- THE STUPIDEST SHIT ALWAYS HAPPENS TO ME AT WORK. I don't even understand it. It's always when I'm the closing manager, and it's always something I was never trained to deal with because my training STILL isn't completed. A few weeks ago it was a register shortage, last week it was damaged shipment boxes, tonight it was a power outage. So I call my manager and what does she tell me to do? Look up the loss prevention guidelines in the LP section of our data storage. Which is on the computer. Which doesn't work because THERE'S NO POWER. So next she tells me to go into the back corner of the stock room where we have the filing cabinet that holds all of our training documents and other random info. There's no safety lighting in the stock room. My cell phone is dead. My closing associate is on the phone with another manager. We don't have a flashlight. How the fuck am I supposed to see to find anything? We got it sorted out eventually, but still. Come on now. Why does this always happen to me?

- I'm supposed to have a coaching job this season for winter guard, but the coach from our other high school who is "in charge" of getting everything together still hasn't sent me any of the info for the season, or told me whether or not we actually HAVE a winter guard to coach. We were waiting on approval from the boosters and the school, and I haven't heard anything in 2 weeks from anyone.

ANYWAY. That's my life in a nutshell right now. I'm gonna go stretch before I crawl into bed because my body hates me right now. I've been so tense and stressed the past few days that all my muscles are tensing up and I hurt a LOT.

Monday, October 18, 2010

So. It's been a while. I always fall into this slump of never updating any blog I have unless I need to vent or complain about something. Things are going alright actually, but I still feel like I'm in a very low point of my life. I'm going to be 23 in 2 1/2 months, I'm still working a shitty part time job, and I'm still not back in school. And when I sit back and look at a lot of the kids I went to school with, or anyone else really that's around my age, I feel like a bit of a failure. Sure, there's a good chunk of my graduating class that got knocked up and had 2 kids before their 21st birthday, and another part that has basically fallen off the face of the earth with no trace at all. But there's also the majority of them that have gone on to other schooling, graduated, and are in the process of successfully working their way into the real world. All the while I'm still living at home with my parents, spending most of my time running around the internet and trying to convince myself that I'm actually worth the time people have wasted on me.

I don't know. I know there are a handful of people that care about me to some extent, and I really could be worse off than I am, but I'm really just not happy with where I am right now. I want out of here. I feel like I need a fresh start in some new place where no one knows who I am so I can put the past few years behind me. I've been getting discouraged really easily lately as well. I don't know why, but I'll get an idea of a project I want to start working on or a goal to reach, and then some little detail will get me convinced that I'm never going to make it to where I want it to be.

I've had my fair share of good days and fantastic new experiences this year as well, but they keep getting overshadowed by the down times. I don't know. I really just don't know. I'm not looking for pity or for people to tell me that things will get better, but some reassurance about my life would be fantastic right about now. I keep looking for a solution to the problems, but get distracted along the way with a momentary escape. And as much as I appreciate the escape sometimes, it almost feels like it's not worth it in the long run.